The science of the 21:30 cup

One More says last cup at 21:30 with the confidence of someone who has never met 21:47. The Midnight Maximalist does not even pretend. Sleep, they will tell you, is a rumour started by tea people.

Caffeine’s average half-life in a healthy adult is about five hours, with a rude range from three to seven. A double espresso at 21:30 is still a guest at 02:30. The guest sits on adenosine receptors and refuses to hang up its coat.

Circadian light is already dimming. Melatonin would like a word. The 21:30 cup answers by turning the volume knob on alertness and calling it a treat. It is a treat. It is also a scheduling conflict with tomorrow.

None of this will stop the amendment. The lid comes off because the night is still a beverage. The bakery idea arrives without adult supervision. Tomorrow-me files a complaint that today-me will read after the third shot.

If you want the science to win, move last-call earlier than your half-life. If you want the comic to win, stand under the streetlights with the Maximalist and admit the night has a menu.